Alli

I like the Alli commercials.  They sell the hell out of their product all the while telling you it doesn't work.  And it sells...

It only works if you eat small very low fat meals and exercise.  If you don't, you'll poo your pants.  No cheating on that, I guess, I mean unless you're into carrying around spare pants like you're 2.  Anyway, My suggestion is stop eating crap and take a vitamin.  If you really want to poo your pants drink 8 beers and wait a while.  By the 5th beer it'll be a great idea.

...I'm Italian, I prefer the term rubenesque...